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late night nicotine withdrawal

16 September 2016
3:42 am

the mind, she fills with horrors
stomach wants a sandwich
terror leaks out my ears
nothing's doin', though
I mean, there's nothing to fear
but my own mind-noises
so I try to think of pleasant things
like bunnies and wonderbread
and warm people who like me
who don't tell me I'm weird when I
have a fit about a nonsense scenario
they reassure me with answers that are
simple and creative and filling
soothe yourself, girl
good advice but sometimes I can't
when my good answers aren't enough
and what I have is bad
I feel myself go still
almost
amused
dull screaming on a forgotten track
scratching ground down fingernails
or pause, wait
silence, anticipate
a blocked-up rush and a wish
for bunnies and wonderbread
and warm people
and less certainty that my loved ones are all mad at me
for marking myself clearance and sitting on a shelf

lots of lines came after this but I might be finally falling asleep
I might be finally quitting smoking, too
It's only been an unfortunate amount of years
Let's go