to whomever still needs to hear it, i'm sorry.

and having said that, i'm going to stop apologising. or maybe i should be apologising more. maybe i should just make sure i only apologise for things i should be sorry for.

early morning thoughts, that's all folks.

yesterday i dragged my little red wagon under two baskets of wet laundry to the laundrymat and i looked around no no

my trailer park no no no

sighighihg. there are these thoughts in my head that i want to write down. but i feel like i am still sleeping and commercial sales are all arguing with each other and it's hilarious.

i had a Good Time yesterday. elise picked me up and we went to main street, dunedin and despite our holy cuteness (we'd dressed alike, not neccessarily on purpose-- we are allowed these things because that is what sisters do) we were unable to handle a crowd of such proportions. what with the lack of excitement and all. we stayed just along enough that her parallel parking was not for naught (is that redundant? not for naught? is that even right? who knows, not me). back to her house to dance around to nsync and be girls and have A drink (well, drink and a half on my part and damn it all i still forgot my kaluhaaha).

i originally wasn't sure if i even wanted to go out, but i'm glad i did, for i have not been out socializing in quite awhile. other than elise's birthday. and one could count friday's hooligan show as socializing. however, i would count it more like work, though it certainly doesn't feel anything like work (as it used to). but i'm glad i went out. as i said, i had a Good Time. after the girling around summer came and picked us up. to the martini club in dunedin to see weak sauce. i knew many people there, so it was quite comfortable in the tiny little place. yes, very tiny. i was surprised to see josh raymond there, and he was with danny something or other, who i did not recognise upon first sight as he cut off his hair and i had no frame of reference. upon seeing cherise (i've no clue how to spell her name) i was reminded of my agreeing to a carbomb earlier that week. duhnduhnduuuuuhn. a lot easier than i thought it would be, and quite tasty indeed. so tasty, in fact, i was able to drink a guinness. all by myself and without hesitation. so proud of myself.. for being able to drink? what the fuck? hahah.

weak sauce was absolutely terrific. be it the size of the martini club or the lack of decent sound system/acoustics/whatever at neptunes or that they've just been playing more shows since the last time i saw them.. much much better, in my opinion. not to say they were bad before, because they weren't. i really wish the batteries on my camera hadn't died before the second song was over. i got a few good ones of the band and a couple good ones of elise, but none of us together like i had wanted. should have known better than to think the batteries weren't going to die. i shook my butt and danced around and didn't care if anyone was watching, didn't care if i missed a beat. i don't know how i started high fiving the drunk guy, all i remember is that he then went into a high fiving frenzy that i could not escape. back away crazed high fiving drunk man lest i miss your hand and high five your nose!

so yes. i had a really great time and i really needed that. i don't know what's been up with my self lately, but my self needs to get it's self together. no more of this barreling back and forth between being okay and not being okay, and half the time not being sure which side i'm on. cause i'm the only one who can fix me, right? so i went out and danced around and drank enough to be considered drunk but not enough that i couldn't walk down stairs and run across the street or hold a conversation, and all in heeled clogs, thankyouverymuch.

this is the longest entry ever, yay. but i still have half an hour before i am to report to the customer service cubby (cubby is a much better word than pen). i was complaining to melissa the other day about the phil collins songs on the compusa radio and how much i hate them. but i quite enjoy this one.. which means it is almost certainly genesis and not phil collins himself.

one time, i wrote a story..

and to the person who asked me to read the thing he wrote, the computer i was using has since fallen back in to the hands of the person who owns it (dear god oh no what will sara do.. probably hook up the dell until my dad comes back for it) but it will still be gotten to, just at an undetermined point in time. emailing it is also just as fine, but that is your paradigm. bwahahah. paradigm. "that's your paradigm." "that's right, it is my paradigm, and who do i give it to?" or something like that. genius, i say.

sleeping last night was bizarre. maybe it was the alcohol and then the dennys food (a classic combination, oh yes). i got home and talked to nick and turned on the tori amos video (because it has put me right to sleep three nights in a row now) and promptly fell asleep. at about five am i awoke and had to figure out where i was. and not just a brief, oh where i am i, but a severe disorientation. it was great. i spent the next half an hour trying to do it again. i drank a lot of water and a lot of koolaid and then went back to sleep and dreamt more and more crazy and crazier things. when it got closer to seven i had to keep waking myself up to remind myself that i was not late for work, i was, in fact, dreaming. there were times when i was sure, yes, this is the real thing, and then i'd wake up and start it all over again. an interesting night if i've ever had one, but i spent the whole thing fairly active, so i'm still greatly tired while still being wide awake.

and what i was going to say about the trailer park is that yesterday, it reminded me of the cemetary we went to in new orleans. maybe it was the blue sky and the light and the colors and the shadows. maybe it was that inhabited yet lonely feeling. or the still quiet (as quiet as you can get tucked away behind curlew and nineteen) of a pause between lines on a stage-- the quietest silence you've ever heard but still it buzzes with the noise about to follow.