i had this wacky dream last night.

i was driving, and i got a phone call or somehow i just recieved the information that i had died. i began to panic and everything started to go dark, to go to black.. i can't explain the feeling except that it was like falling asleep while already being asleep or... i don't know. but everything started to go dark and i knew that there was nothing else. it would be dark and that was all there would be. i forced it away, i wouldn't give in to it, i had to say goodbye. i knew i was dead, but there i was. i called nick and i started crying. "i'm dead," i said. "i have already died and there is nothing i can do about it. i'm so sorry. i wanted to marry you." he hesitated. "i know we were nowhere near it.. but that is it." i never saw him in the dream, only talked to him. i called some people. i drove some places. i cried with more people, i said goodbye. my mom and my grandmother sat with me. i didn't know what to do. i didn't know if i was dead, or a ghost, or what was happening. they said they'd sit with me while i tried to sleep. i knew sleeping would be the end of it. i went to sleep and i woke up in real time. i told nick about the dream. when i went back to sleep i woke back up in the dream. there was a message from elise and a message from sean saying he'd hang out with me when he was in town this weekend, since i was going to be dead and all. but i wasn't. there was some rare disease that i had--that my body had, wherever it was, and now there was a chance i might be alive.

it was fucking weird. i've never had a dream where i died before.

nick had a dream we were both in jail in canada for killing a bunch of people with giant carpet rolls but we could still go to school in the us and some other stuff.

weird nights of dreams. i think it comes down to this.. when i woke up during the dream, nick was playing chrono trigger and the music from it.. must have had something to do with it. it was wistful and.. not deadly. but. i don't know. interesting, interesting.