i need to figure out how to disable windows updates from rebooting my computer when there are important things open that i have not saved, but wish to. or perhaps i should keep the things i desire before i lose them in the middle of the night.

it was just such a good conversation for myself and i said a lot of things i need to remember.

i want to be alone, because i know now that i can. not to say there won't be a connection here or there with someone, but i will not be hurting myself or anyone else. i will be living my life by my own choice and own whims for awhile. i am not afraid. oh, oh but that is not true. oh, oh but it is. i am nervous and anxious. but i am not afraid. i keep telling myself.

but living in my grandmother's house is doing well for me. it has made me realise these things: that i will be just fine, that i enjoy my own company, and that i can get up an hour before i have to leave for work and drink coffee and eat breakfast and watch the today show.

like the person i swore myself i would never become and i think i've done a fairly good job of sidestepping all stigmatic elements. i work in an office, but i'm not in a cubicle. i work 9-6 monday through friday, but i enjoy and require the stability. i don't have a minivan.