holy wow, I am up top. UP TOP is a phrase I have just coined. A phrase? Maybe. Anyway. It means "I feel good, yo" or "I am on some kind of life high" or "I might be a little manic right now" but whooo caaares cause I am up top, way up top.

I was pretty depressed about the state of my life this morning. I was looking for jobs, which doesn't make ANYONE feel good, especially particular people who haven't finished their bachelor degrees, don't want to leave the house, have no skills (that is a lie, I have lots of skillz), drink lots of tea but can't tell you anything about it, etc

so I decided to make with the cleaning. Cleaning always makes me feel better. I entered a state of Zen vacuuming. Out of the two vacuum cleaners we have, both are shitty, but as it turns out, one decided to become moderately less shitty, or as you might like to say, more sucky (ha vacuum jokes). Anyway, I vacuumed a lot. Then I remarked upon that Seventh Generation cleanser I bought a couple weeks ago, the one with the OVERPOWERING SCENT OF LEMONGRASS AND THYME (it is overwhelming). I remarked that I might be getting used to it and actually kind of like it.

I wanted to keep cleaning upstairs but I thought my heart might explode but at best I needed a nap (okay now I am really starting to exaggerate this heartrate situation; I mean, it's no good but it just gets elevated easily, I'm not going to DIE)

so I decided to fawn over apartments I can't have for another five months, then get all caught up in decorating ideas and aside from a scintillating episode of Lost and now, me shouting at Michele about : we both need to do something with our lives before we fall into despair and delusion, our problems are caused by boredom with ourselves not our relationships, etc

I think it is the shouting that has really done me in , or rather done me up, done dressed me up all fancy and tossed me a big one UP TOP

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. All I know is that I have WAY TOO MANY TABS OPEN (anytime Kevin gets on the computer in the middle of my business he wants to know how my computer runs with so many tabs open, like fifteen tabs is TOO MANY or something; the browser isn't going to get tired or something, it's not going to say OH THIS IS SO MUCH WEIGHT TO BEAR, WHAT IF THERE IS A STRONG WIND AND I DROP ALL MY TABS; what can I say I am a mighty click-fiend when I am reading through articles about anything), I have a tea kettle to heat, a damn damn email to return that I've had for DAYS NOW, DAYS I SAY, a bathroom to visit.. uh? oh, this room to clean... uh? there was something else

I know there was..