today was a day off and i spent five hours laying in bed listening to music and sleeping unneccessarily. i should have been cleaning i should have been at the library i should have been doing something respectable and productive. but my mood wouldn't stay put. slipping back and forth and running into walls like a saramood does. at one o clock with the window open i curled up [the reason my back probably hurts so much i started out with my knees closer to my chin] with the orange afghan pulled up around my shoulders and i sunk in deep. until now. sleeping and dreaming for sport. i stretched out i curled up on the left on the right on my back [my bed doesn't allow for proper stomach sleeping], i had pillows under my head clutched to my chest hiding my face and when they were enough they ended up on the floor.

and dreaming. i dreamt a million things and forgot them most. nick was in quite a few. there was one early on with the two of us and some blonde girl wearing pink. she and i were competing for him. it was odd. and short. most of them are. a dream about telling a girl with long dark hair sitting on an awful college bed [could have been des could have been my mother could have been amy could have been imaginary dream girl] about my idea to go to college and not tell anyone until after i'd made it through the first semester. she told me i only had a couple days left for this semester. i told her i didn't say i was going to do it and if i was it was waiting until next spring or fall because i couldn't afford it. she laughed at me and gave me the look i get when i mention something about moving out. i played airpiano markstyle to imogene heap in my sleep to someone. might have been nick or paul or imaginary dream official [edit: oh but yes, it was nick. because i asked him what he was doing here and he told me he was on break from work. glimpses of those, but nohing concrete]. my brother came in my room to ask me to shut my window and interrupted the last stream thereby losing it. all i can remember is that it was fun like dreams like movies that star all your favorite people. GOD i wish i could get it. there was a meeting, i do remember that. an ominous one with a lot of energy that probably had to do with a massive attack against something after watching blade II last night and knowing that once in a while my dreams enjoy a good special effects battle scene.

but i won't ever hit you. i don't have recurring dreams but recurring elements [as i wonder if i've already written about this]. countless dreams i've had i've tried to hit someone and my fist moves in slow motion. i can hit as hard as i can and still it's pushing through water and i'll keep trying and get frustrated to no avail, i can't swing through the air, i can't connect. [and now i remember this happening in a dream this afternoon. it's common, common like indecision] less than usual is the dream i look down and see that i have indeed beaten him to a bloody mess, slow motion action or not [haven't seen hide nor hair of this one in a great while].

trying to remember that last dream, all i can recall is yesterday's trek down the unbeaten path [after a lot of trouble with cars in the best buy parking lot--night time, mind you] while wearing a cloakthing to find bushes shaking and looking around and realising it is a haunted halloween woods walkthrough in broad daylight getting startled by someone in a costume turning around to find everyone streaming down the path in costumes. brightly colored robots and a snuffleupagus, witches and ghosts, someone very interested in being johnny cash-- and old friends who were never meant to become anything less than new and shiny all in makeup and disguises barely recognisable. and me in my cloakthing unaware it was supposed to be halloween, aware only that something was very wrong, and i was sure i had to be at work. wait, did i have to be at work? it's wednesday... i don't think i have to be there. still in the dream i jumped out of bed to call my dad. i felt i was drunk. it was a good thing i realised after the first ring it was tuesday.. otherwise i would have been up for much ridicule.

after giving a good five hours of my day over to sleep, i just gave another hour, give or take, to writing. i crave activity. vamos.