my filters are.. dusty. i think. filters are a big problem with me. i continually try to destroy them or at least rearrange them. i tend to think i'm accomplishing something... and then i don't write for. uh.

...

oh, only a week? oh, psh, that's not bad. i wonder what my record has been. generally, i think it was a month. i wonder what i might have if i had written everytime i'd thought of it.

[here, i'd like to point out that as of late, i've taken to accumulating started entries in a moodswing.txt file on my desktop. here is something relevant:

"if i were to write everything i ever thought of writing. i don't know. i imagine i'd run out of ideas eventually, but many of them are forgotten lost things that don't make it a few seconds. an occasional few are written and deleted. a lot of what i write is something that has been circling around my head for days and by chance just happens to come to mind when i sit down. or maybe it starts that way. and i just happen to go off on a tangent and i'm picking words that look better and sound better than the ones i was thinking of even if it happens to change direction. because god forbid i use the same words all the time. i feel stale and static.

it's always bothered me that i don't have eons of completed diaries and journals even though i've got the great trunk for them."]

i made the entry page my start page in order to induce writing. there was a temporary burst there. but not much afterwards.

but really i don't write because i don't like what i've been keeping. not the content. but the way i've been writing it. it doesn't feel right.

so. it just sort of stops. like all the rest. ["watch though, as it degenerates into something else." -future sara]because i have to go to sleep like all the other nights i had to work at eight o clock in the morning and look, i'm still up at two. only this i'm it's different. this time, it's personal. this time. it's sunday morning. yes. sunday morning. and maybe we won't be busy. it won't be terrifying, it may even be all right. it's just interesting. now, i must sleep for i am tired.

and nonsensical.