i always forget my better than ezra cd is signed. and i don't listen to it all that often anymore, so it's always a pleasant surprise.

it's always the same song that brings it out as well. and i never get very far past it before going back. the scratchy record player piano notes the drums [i don't know anything about them but they're always distinct] the emotional imagery that catches right up with me as soon as i press play like a toddler to it's favorite thumb. hosanna! i can't feel a thing at all.. reach for the back button and quench these bitter thoughts. [again? when did i say that before?]

the next song, when i finally get to it, follows suit. but the fourth song. oh. it doesn't get very far. [and still there are two others that are subtley stronger but they don't get a listen for that very reason]

it's a winter thing. i know. all i can say is that it isn't really just one thing. a big collective of little things that join together and act bigger than they really are. i know this. i'm.. having a little trouble. that's all.

besides. i cannot be upset when i can still lose my place while reading music and keep the music coming until i catch up with myself. considering i thought i could no longer play and i haven't really played these pieces in four years. i got my violin tuned and bought bow resin yesterday. i'm about ready to tear my room apart looking for the rest of my music. all i can find is winter wonderland.. toyland.. saturday at the symphony.. the two easy parts to theme and variations.. a;sdlfjasldfaodu. i want the rest. the ones i know will have me scrunching up my nose and lowering my eyebrows in frustration. it is time i get to these things.