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14 May 2003
on twenty pm

i got a new mouse sometime last week and i haven't even opened up adobe until now. silly sara.

there are notebooks and notebooks everywhere in my room. a good sized stack or two at least. i pulled a few out last night. the big blue one. a thin green one. the pink one with no lines. and as i've said before, i wrote a lot more than i thought i did. nothing concrete, nothing of anything but intrinsic value. but it's all there. two or three years later i can see all the random things i wrote have a lot of the same themes. lots of the same running around in my head.

as for things NOT running around in my head, things i'd much rather forget about again, casey came by again last night. luckily i wasn't here either time. last tuesday, i believe it was. and yesterday. someone remind me to leave my house next tuesday. or stay here and tell him to fuck off. and i won't. i'll be nice. i'll polietly ask him to forget i exist and to leave me alone. some things i just don't care to be cordial about any longer. i don't have the time the space the energy blah blah

enough.

nick and i played music again last night. tried to anyway. it is awkward when other people, people i don't know, are watching or playing drums or whatever. distracting me from being distracted. cause the only way to stop criticising myself long enough to have a good time and learn a thing or two is to be distracted from it. stop thinking about it and just let it happen. i think. maybe i'm wrong.

tap water is gross. ice is tap water but at such a low temperature it tastes like something else.

this is a kink i just have to work out. cause today is the fourteenth and soon may will be over, little girl. don't think you're getting out of it this time.