i used to always get really nervous before social gatherings involving my friends. i remember anna's birthday party (and this was YEARS ago, i think probably ninth grade) at anderson park and on the way there i was all jittery and clammy and buzzing with nerves and not just cause i was late. and now, steph's parties are the only time i really ever see these people anymore. because she's the only one ever has them. i remember her party last year. it took me ten minutes to get out of the car and go up to the door. and becca and brett and sean were all sitting on the front porch. and my heart almost overloaded. cause walking up to the first hello is always the toughest. and christmas wasn't so bad.

these are only the little bits. i don't know what it is that gets me like this. silence.

way too much fucking sleep in the past couple days. or not enough and just spaced in odd measures.

who belongs to these words! cause they surely don't have my energy.