i'm listening to mogwai and sonic youth and drinking apple juice. it's so fucking bright and pretty outside. it's rained and stopped and everything is all shining and dripping color. sundays are always like this. i should be out there. to do what, i don't know. i've got a camera, but not enough batteries. i could rollerblade. i could sit inside with my music and just watch it, but i think that defies it's purpose in the first place.

last night was steph's party. julie was there. she is a senior in high school. chrissy was there. she's going to fsu now, living in her own apartment and thinking about getting a puppy. i saw katie and jessie and anna and michelle all briefly. sean was there. he looks much better with his hair short.

mogwai says Yes! I am a long way from home!

i don't know if there is supposed to be a second exclamation point there, but i'm giving it one. cause it's happy.

nick and i stayed up latelate last night and made good things and sat in the same chair and giggled for a very long time because we were much too awake to fall asleep. i laugh like a whooping crane. it was just. a very nice feeling.

all these nice feelings i don't have words for. i could go on for days and days when i'm feeling bad about how low it is precisely and each individual degree could be laid out in front of you-- maybe not legibly or able to be understood, but there all the same. but when things are good, it's like, "whee whee a;ldjfads i don't know i like this i like him whee things are good."

on the other hand, i forgot today was sunday. which also means i forgot it was father's day. :( and i couldn't understand why my dad had this sad look on his face when i walked in. and i came in and sat down and eventually looked at my calendar and said, ohmy! i'm a bad daughter. but we all know that is hardly true. we should dance lightly around this subject, shouldn't we. maybe not. he's been in bed now for ten days, but at least now he can breathe more than ten days ago. [every one of these sentences is taking at least five minutes of thought] i've been listening to his heartbeat for months. it doesn't sound like it should. but it sounds like but, it sounds. he asked me one night if i thought this was it. i told him he was asking the wrong person, but i didn't think so, no. it doesn't appear to be. he's very lucky.

enough of that!

my hair is getting long!

hahah. i crack myself up, i swear. what else what else. i need to do something besides sit here. sixteen minutes it's been since i started this word jumble. move on to something else? yes, i think i shall. but what! food? no, i feel like no food. music later, maybe, yes. cleaning? ugh. always cleaning. something there must be to do. my words are indeed getting jumbled. what a mess. haha.