that michelle branch song just isn't long enough. i am so easily enamoured with pop songs. and i want to buy her album to see what the rest of it sounds like. :( and everytime i start to think i like gwen stefani i am reminded of what a lousy drag queen she is and i just want to feed her to pirahanas.

i am so not the least bit tired. but there is not much i feel like doing, and i just want to go to sleep and wake up and have today be on with itself (my alarm is set and everything.. on a SATURDAY.. unheard of) AND i need to get out of this chair because i'm in a lot of pain.. first i will take some ibuprofen and talk about all the things i should not have done in the show. last week was a really great show and i knew this week i was already in some pain from working and driving and whatnot.. but i knew once i got up there i would choose to forget about it and do whatever i felt neccessary to further screw it up.. first, there was the rave scene. hey, brad! i said. let's go be ravers. okay! so i go up and i swing my hips and arms in a ridiculous manner and halfway through the scene i'm thinking OH SWEET JESUS but doing it anyway because i can't just STOP in the middle of the scene.. then brad picks me up and swing me around and i'm like oh god oh god POP POP. my back was cracking. felt good though. brad picked me up in another scene.. we were singing.. and he was spinning me around.. and the lights go out for the end of the scene and i rolled out of his arms and went FLOP on the stage. what the fuck is wrong with me? but it was really funny and i'm laughing just thinking about it. the last scene was fun like no other, but i was playing a little girl and i spent the whole thing on my knees.. which seemed to hurt even more than standing up. laying down even hurts.. just hurts less. andrew offered me the name of his chiropractor and his back cracking abilities, and myron said he was going to hook me up with a massage from some people he knows. i'm like, ew, back pain, but yay, sweet gratuitous show people. it's nice to have such things offered.. though i'd feel kind of weird accepting them.. not because i don't want them.. but. i don't know. that pride thing my brother and dad were talking about earlier. just feel weird accepting things. goddamn genetics.

speaking of genetics, my mother wants me to go to chicago the week tiffany's closes. i should be trying to find a job that week. i should HAVE a job that week, damn it all. but i won't. and i probably won't go to chicago either. i'd like to see it, and paul says it's the best time to go.. and i want to see my mom.. but i wouldn't be comfortable staying there, mainly because of keith. but that's a whole bunch of talking i don't feel like writing down when i should be laying down..

and kicking the tv: FUCKING GOD jeWEL WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. get rid of your pushup bra.