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29 August 2003
1:44 am

normally i wouldn't do this, i'd just leave it.. but i don't think my mother reads this anymore. and i just don't care. cause i 'm angry rawrawra.

it's funny how quickly i can get angry.. and how quickly it subsides.. and what is left? is it still anger? the moment has left to leave the house slamming doors.. but who needs slamming doors

"fuck you."
"no, fuck you."
blah blah de blah
"i do everything i goddamn can around here!"
"yeah, with an attitude."

well fiiiiine, then goddammit. all because i don't want to hear bitching about drugs (money sure whatthefuckever, my goddamn money that i fucking loaned till wednesday against my better judgment). i said i didn't want to hear about it, pretty nicely i might add, and suddenly the defenses are all up and suddenly i'm the enemy. and no. you don't fucking need anybody, you say. it could just end right now, you say. why don't i just go then, you say. yeah, maybe i fucking well should.

and for the record.. the "emotionally moving" music of coldplay (quoth sir timberlake) is making me angry again. take that for what you will.

today, after visiting mohammet in the hospital, a staind song was on the radio. after i reached to change it, my brother protested. and he sang on the way home. and i sang with him. nevermind the fact we were mumbling and didnt know all the words (okay, so i pretended not to.) and after we'd pulled in the driveway and the car was off he kept on and so did i. i wonder if he knows about such little things and the way they affect me.

now that i've added all this, i don't want to leave while i'm angry like this. but goddamn. i'm angry.