an unusual change of events. normally, my brother comes home, turns on his music and it's bass beats and spitting rhymes. today, we get trapt, three doors down, and a couple of staind songs (which are starting to get to my mood.. stjohns wort here i come). now he's added older bush songs. i am pleased.

days off work. this is how the days go. nick got me hooked on some mario and since i think he still has my nintendo, it's snes for me. he is a nintendo master. it's great. he got another ticket though.. and his account is overdrawn.. so it looks like the trip to new jersey is a no go.

and no matter how many pills he takes, my dad is still a crabby bitch, (though his mood is on an updraft today). could be because he is slowly dying and he's broke and stuck in the house. can't really blame him.

in less then a month my brother goes back to "jail". and by jail i mean some vocational facility two or so miles from here.. for many months. he'll be 18 by the time he goes in and closer to 19 by the time he gets out.

my mother is coming down for his birthday. i haven't talked to her in about two weeks.

and how am i? oh, i'm great. my dad's giving me 100 dollars tonight to make up for the money he borrowed and the cigarettes i buy him. it appears i may have lost my job at tiffanys. (i gave my saturday hours to felice and mary scheduled her on saturday as well, after we'd both left on thursday. saturday rolls around, felice is there, and i am not. do i get a call saying, where the hell are you? no. i hear mary said that according to her, i no longer work there. well, that's fine, cause according to me, i don't, anyway. hopefully, i've got this job at compUSA. and really, as down as that paragraph is, i am doing just great. really. it's true. i want to go to school. i want money. i want the people around me to happy. i want to write about things other than how they are doing and how great i am. but it just isn't happening. lord knows why i just don't give up on this whole writing thing alltogether. i want to talk to nick, but he has no internet and i don't know if he'll call after he gets off work. maybe i should take a shower and at least seperate the clean clothes on my floor from the dirty ones.. i should really pick them all up. i'm so tired of this. take a shower, clothes, nap.

sigh.

rambling. this would all be different if i waited ten minutes to write. wonder what my thoughts would have said. stupid thoughts.

what comes next?