i heard the notwist on 88.5 today. totally made my night. and day.

what am i doing here? writing an entry. about what? i don't know. i'm bored. i've got an open book in my lap that should be read and a guitar in my room that should be played.. and laundry in the dryer probably waiting to be dried again. sleep to be had.. though sleep right now just seems a little silly for how awake i am.

i am listening to the boys play pool. the boys equal my dad, my brother, mike and pat. fucking pat cooley who sat behind or next to me in my tenth grade spanish class and was that funny jerk boy who ran in completely different social circles and while i was able to laugh at his jokes and maybe almost hold a conversation with him once in awhile. it's just very strange that he is friends with my brother.

i had a dream about my grandma betsy last night. she was in a mall and there were lots of people and especially lots of children running around and playing. one of them ran at full speed at her and they collided and maybe betsy fell down. either way she was extremely angry and yelled and yelled some more. and then she started crying. sobbing, really. maybe i should get up early tomorrow and call her.

today is the first day i've really been home since saturday night.. and even then i was only here to sleep. must be careful not to suffocate the boyfriend. must be wary of alienating the father. he is short with me on the phone and when i walk in and he gives me this look and i ask him if everything is okay, he snaps at me for asking. as if anything else should be wrong other than the fact that he is stuck here and dying. how could i possibly forget. he says he'd like to rent my room out for five hundred dollars. i hope he's going to clean the fucking house up first. but as long as i pretend like nothing is wrong we can hold civil conversations. and that's enough for me until i'm gone from here. when or how it will happen, i don't know yet. but i know it will.

i may have mentioned i'll be attempting a novel again this november.. i told elise about it and she seemed pretty keen to the idea.. dan told me he was going to attempt as well.. whee! a novel writing group! who else wants to join?

next weekend i'll be on a plane with nick to new jersey. hooray for new places. hooray for airplanes. hooray for nick. hooray for new dressy clothes i have to go buy. i need the assistance of a fashionable thrifty young lady named steph (who needs a guestbook on her stephlog so i can tell her when she makes me laugh out loud through the entire entry).

blee. beep. rockabop. i think my guitar wants me. i can almost hear it calling. maybe that is the wind whistling through my open window. the calendar says fall is here but florida, of course, would like to differ. it is time for beautiful things. it is time for music that is locked away from me because it is on my goshdarned computer. damn you wicked thing.