i can always think of things to write until i get here and then it's like ____________.

i woke up this morning and stumbled around the house. and i do mean stumbled. i was in a stuffed up haze for a good portion of the morning. i managed to grab my nada surf cd (yay nada surf) but not my notebook.. unless i left that in dan's car. i remember bringing it. i dunno. either way! for the first time in like, seven years.. i MADE MY BED. bwaahah. which consisted of folding the blankets up nicely, but still. i made an effort. how wonderful. i bought more medicine after i got here and it has stopped my nose from dribbling all over my face.

i keep catching myself staring blankly just to the left of the screen tapping my toe to the floor with the music and EW i just dropped my lollipop in my purse. lucky for me, i cleaned it out just the other day. hurrah.

matt and i are connected likethis. it's that family thing they keep telling me about. i was thinking about him earlier, and he showed up here. he was on his way home to wait for someone to look at our BROKEN AIR CONDITIONER. as if we don't have enough shit to worry about. a mysterious second phone bill (most likely my father's phone bill, somehow in my brother's name). a job for my brother (though he's got his license now, yay). four thousand dollars still owed on the trailer my dad was supposed to pay with his tax return. hurricane anchors. insulation. not to mention that other thing.

whine whine. bury me in sorrow. cover me in joy. i'm so glad i stole this cd from my brother oh so long ago.

anyhow. he came here and got money from me.. sixty fucking dollars just to look at the damn thing. outrageous. hopefully it won't be expensive to fix. right. he told me he and mary had been arguing. called her up on the customerservice phone. a surprising amount of swearing. though he managed to keep it quiet. so he left, presumably on his way to the mall to yell at her some more. and i, of course, was worried. they are a firey couple, those two. and i thought about it in my spare moments and wished i had a way to call him.. and two minutes later he called. everything's fine with them. of course. normal conversations between them can sound like arguments to the untrained ear. of course a regular argument would have them yelling at each other in the driveway. of course. they make me laugh. the world is dysfunctional.

and my thoughts are disjointed.. i can't really keep them on a subject.

why oh why do you let me ramble on to such a degree. hm?

i miss having a car for one reason above all the rest. radio up, windows down, and singing along to the best of my ability. push the sound harder. leave me dizzy at red lights.