mandarin oranges and kashi granola bars are tasty, if a bit dry (the granola, not the oranges).

i feel Weird today. like, i must have fallen asleep reasonably early because i woke up almost on time. all the lights were on and the kittens were squeaking. i stumbled out of the beginning of my shower when nick called, and i crawled into bed when i talked to him.. i must have fallen asleep right after that. i remember setting my alarm around quarter to six.

dreams and dreams, heart pulling dreams, funny dreams, dreams about mama eyes and kittens squeaking at the foot of my bed.

maybe i was so tired because i actually did what i've been wanting to do for weeks.. i went home and pulled out the coffee table and put on some music and i followed the list of suggested-by-christine exercises. once i convinced my body it was going to move whether it liked it or not (quite the feat, i say), it wasn't so bad. it was a struggle, but i lifted my legs and moved my abdomen and not my neck, and in the middle of this haphazard routine, i started to move into some of the yoga positions i learned all those summers ago... the one i always reminisce fondly about, the one where i'd type the night away to see the sunrise, to make french toast and follow along with the yoga program at six thirty. i guess i did it enough for it to suddenly surface in my motor memory. at worst i was awkward and wobbly, but it was comfortable and flowing. it felt good. and it feels good to look forward to doing it all again tonight (though you can be certain my shoulders do not feel the same way).

i want to talk about the joy of being a faceless corporate ghost, but i can't find the words. i may be a hired stooge, but i make at least one person happy every day. money makes people happy, and when i can help them make sure they will be getting theirs from the real corporate ghosts, well. i'm the good guy, not the bad one. today, i had a customer use my name in a sentence with the word 'magnanimous' (and went on to use the word 'absconded', which is just. fantastic) i talked to a man called sam, who came into the store once before. he knows my family, the w-x side of it. knew my father's brothers as they were growing up. this place is so big and so small. so big and so small.

this really wasn't what i came here to say at all... in truth, it isn't what has been going through my head all day. back and forth and up and down, i'm never the same. but this is the how the day goes when you have to tell yourself things. cause i'm the kinda person that has to not only tell herself that everything is fine, but tell herself that it's okay to really believe herself when she tells herself that everything's fine. that there isn't this big monster of doubt ready to jump out and say 'itoldyouso!' the minute i really feel it, safe and sound. cause y'know, i'm fuckedup like that. but when feeling happy feels wrong...

you know it's time to find a new right

mhm.

i <3 lunchbreaks = moodbreakers

breathe in, breathe out//whatisitallabout



yeah... definetly Weird. -smile