last night, instead of going to see rachael, i came home and went to sleep. before i left michele's house, i shuffled my cat people cards. i shuffled them well. i let her pick a card. the four of cups. the cups are oversized in proportion to the magnitude of her problems. three of the cups have been emptied much too quickly and the last stands, waiting to be sipped slowly. take your time, girl, is what i told her. heather (her roommate) drew a card. same fucking card.

the words that went with the five of pentacles, the card i picked, said something about a middle-aged woman says goodbye to the only thing she could find to love her, a scraggly cat in the streets. she could not save the cat, but in her grief, she does not see that the cat's spirit has appeared in one of the pentacles above her, giving her a new hope, a new chance for revival.

michele stared at me. she started laughing.
"you know what that is, right? are you trying really hard to not see it?"
after she and heather picked the same card, i really couldn't ignore it.
she talks to my dad, even though she only met him in death. she calls him brian when he does silly things.

"reversal of bad trend. new interest in matters. overcoming ruin. disharmony in marriage or love interests."

whoa oh oh.