i was in a funk yesterday. a lousy, unmotivated, filthy funk. the kind of funk that permeates all my lower layers; the exact funk i have been trying to rid myself of for...

i had a dream last night that i woke up to read something nick had posted on the internet, he reposted something i had written a year or two ago (it doesn't actually exist)--it was a list of things i needed to improve, things i was going to try to fix, things to do to make myself better. he said things about my inability to take action. how i sit in it and dwell instead of doing something about it.

i woke up and knew what this dream was; it was very quick and very emotional. it is all the things i have been thinking to myself... what am i doing, where am i going, and why i have been holding myself back all this time.

today we cleaned out my dad's trailer. if anything, there might be a few papers i need. i got it all. and i'm about to go and clean it all and put it where it belongs.

i'll keep chipping away and the big chunks will start cracking and falling off and i hope you have your acme brand little black umbrella cause it will be an avalanche.

.sometimes i forget what i am doing here--in the middle of all this.

until i am reminded.