i feel so odd, so strange.

i'm supposed to be moving to my grandmother's house today. at least, a few of my things and my weekday sleepytime.

but i don't want to. because i don't want to be moving at all.

which is exactly why i feel i have to. to prove to myself, to prove to nick, to whoever is still listening, that i can and will.

i don't know why.

but it's very odd. to not want to move.. but to do it now. instead of when the grandparents leave. instead of in may when he goes or at the end of may when the lease is up.

of course, all i've put in a box so far is the alarm clock and the copy of candide.

because what am i supposed to do. for real.