i was working on taking a thing of words i'd written and turning it into a song. there are open mic nights here and there with people i know, so i was trying not to care about the pattern being repetitious cause hey, it happens. i don't need for it to be brilliant. i can write cute little things and think maybe they don't stand up on their own but at least they are fun for me. i got used to my writing eventually, didn't i?

so i tried like hell to ignore the chattering chant of lilith fair in the rear of my mind and found a pattern i could work with. i was looking for a place to switch it up a bit and found something else--but ah, it was too much, maybe.. so i gave it its own space (found it its own friends)

and when i sat down with the jill scott song i've been thinking of making my own, it fit rather well with a slight adjustment--an adjustment i was pleased to make since i was able to figure it out

ah, early morning rambling. i call it such and stop myself

and i should probably mention the dream i had where mister johnson shot himself (because i don't think i have and i don't care to look) and his brain was all over the room and it was puffy and bright pink. it was.. kinda fucked up, as the dreams have been the past few days, since i shut the tv off. i wasn't kidding.

i came with the intention of writing i feel denied, but i didn't feel that was substantial enough, not enough in the spirit of speaking positively or whatever..

but it doesn't change the detatched feeling i had yesterday. it was an oddly styled sunday where no one answered their phones

and that doesn't imply guilt on anyone's part.. it was just.. that kind of day.

the birds are leaving soon--the ones that have hung above the clouds for well over a fortnight. they ran their races this afternoon, they have a few more departing parties to attend, then they will pack their things and go. i suspect this week will.. be. :sigh: uphill. in the right direction but we run out of breath or water or will but we carry on towards the next plateau.

rrrrrr things i want to say--but i stop myself because i'm not sure if i want to or if i should or blasd;llllllllllllllllj. hahah.

i've never been one for talking, have i. hah.

okay, now it really has become blabber. i like to talk to myself on the computer screen. bleet.