ohhh, bother. who cares. i was just going to whine and i don't feel like typing. i'm pissed cause i'm crying, even if its only the kind of hot tears that put pressure behind the eyes and when it decides to trickle out it mixes with the mascara. and it burns

this sudden downward shift towards this subtle but angry sadness better be attributed to female moodiness, damn it. i'm not willing to put up with any other answer right now.

rather than slamming my head on this wall until all the words rattle out in a pretty little picture for you, i'm going to keep them where they are because they have no other use

i will go to my colder bed in this cold house and speak to myself about how it is like withdrawl to sleep alone when all i want is otherwise; realizing that this is the part that makes keeping to oneself difficult, when one is used to a two to put her arms around on chilly evenings

and i do not want a fill-in; i want the real thing

but it will be sometime before i budge

because i have bridges to cross and hurts to further heal and nights like these to get used to

and quite frankly i am scared

..terrified. really.

and in no mood for this fucking mood, either