weirdness seeps into dreams and i've been having lots of them. last night i was dreaming that my dad and my brother had both been killed in car accidents. it was real enough that i couldn't grasp why it didn't feel right (specifically that my brother is in jail and my father is already dead). this can be attributed to the home videos i watched before i went to sleep.

as for the rest of it, i feel awkward saying it now. because it's not as;lkdkf. and i can't even say that either, goddamned ineffability.

eh, whatever. it's not that big of a deal. dreams are dreams and it is what it is. plain language.

however, the big deal is the home video i watched. my aunt's 30th birthday party, when the adult figures were not much older than the child figures are alive. i saw some interesting things. things i was looking for, things i didn't expect to see, things that get fast fowarded when you watch the tape as a child; and i know i've watched it before, probably said these things before, but it's been a good long while. the thing that sticks out the most though is my grandpa roy. he died when i was.. eh.. thirteen, fourteen? something like that. and i know it changed a lot of things but he as a person, since i was young and it was so long ago, sort of escapes me. getting a chance to see him in his element, with his family, i suppose.. it's a lot of things. and i was sad for a minute, because he probably would have been fun to have around. things definetly would have been different. but that is all for speculation. i would have liked for him to see the improv though.

anyway. rambly brambles. mosey along.