yesterday was my uncle's birthday.. he didn't pick up the phone, of course. i could have just gone over there, i guess.. but the last time i did that was more or less what i expected.. and i guess sometimes you have to just let things happen.. ? that's not an easy sentence to leave there, because that is not at all how i feel. but i'm feeling no other options because i know that i can only go so far into it because to go too far is to get involved myself and then i can't get out either, blah blah.

but this is family, right? it's supposed to be different, right? you're supposed to be able to make that difference... right?

maybe not.

and maybe, family isn't always the bonds we're born with but the bonds we create as well

so i say goodbye to my creepy uncles, the construct that has made me a hooligan and yet somehow more charming. not all of them are leaving, but marty and shereece left for california today. we got together yesterday at chris and crystal's.. celebrating their marriage and their move to california. also to celebrate the fact that chris and crystal are not only getting married but having a baby as well. which.. is weird on many levels. i've come to like crystal, actually--not that i ever really disliked her, but it's that whole difficulty i have getting along with females that may or may not be like me.. especially when they.. well. are dating someone that i may have once.. well. had a crush on, we'll say. and that's all i'll say because.. well. i've never said anything else, so at least i'm saying somethings. ANYWAY. they both seem a little freaked out by it. i told chris he would make a good father. i meant it too.

so that was yesterday. jb brought up the fact that it was, coincidentally, brad's baby's birthday. she's a year old now. marty's leaving. chris is getting married. the show's been over a couple months or one month or i don't know. darryl's been gone a long time and is off with some other group.

it's kind of sad, but i'm not really sad about it. no, i am kinda sad about it. jordan's still here, and i'll still see him.. and i'm sure i'll see chris around every once in awhile.. and there was a good run while we had it, god. was it good. i will never forget the things i was able to experience because of these gentlemen. i'm sure someday i'll be on stage in front of people again for the purpose of entertaining them--i know i will, that is my intention with this band--but i don't know that i'll ever do it with comedy again.

the feeling of being on a stage and saying something you think is funny and having a whole room of people laugh back at you.. in that moment.. it's rich. i can't even explain it. i miss it sometimes, i really do.

and i'm going to miss marty. i don't really see them that much anyway.. but, yknow. family.

i started seeing their show sometime in the summer of 2000.. started working with them in the beginning of 2002.. so a good six or seven years, they have been my boys, my family..

blah blah. i got distracted reading old entries (like, real old entries, like, pre-diaryland entries--ooh snap you dint know) and determining that yes, i think there is something again wrong with mine air conditioner

so on and on and so it goes, the point is we are moving forward, onward, upward; it marks the end of that, yes, but the beginning of this, and oh, oh, here we are at ground level, climbing the next hill on this rollercoaster