this book is fighting with me, i do not have my hat on because i am copying what i wrote at work today, which is taking forever because i am distracted by planning and plotting and taking over the world-ing

this morning i woke up with that feeling and it carried on through the day

last night i was at a wall and couldn't break through, knew what was stopping me but didn't know how to get through it, i was talking to kevin

and then there was a picture in my head of a handshake that will never happen, and the look on my father's face

i haven't cried because of him for awhile, i haven't really cried in awhile--that's a lie, i cried in line at the airport for awhile after he walked away

it's not different, it's the same kind of crying, where it releases and is spreading because of good feelings

and.. well. now the beatles have come on my music player and anything else i could say is going to feel really cheesy right now

and i may have broken the wall, but i'm not at the point where i'm going to spontaneously start crying

it's not here yet.. but i see it peeking around the corner, waiting to make me feel all tingly