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limbo lulu

02 March 2008
6:24 pm

goddamn it, i hate being removed.

iii am not comfortable anywhere, it feels like i haven't been home in ages, i just need to chill out at my house for awhile and then everything will be okay, right?

oh, but the problem is: 'home' is the apartment with the expired lease, a place i am not a resident. i live at elise's, but it is elise's, not mine. 'home' doesn't come for at least another month, but i'm really not sure. the uncertainty doesn't help.

so, the point is: I AM NOT ENJOYING MY REVISIT TO LIMBO, THANK YOU. I will say thank you instead of cursing you because as I keep telling Gordon (because he told me first), I am not accepting the gifts I am being offered.

I'm not accepting them because I can't figure out what they are. I know the gifts that I do receive, but these others.. how the fuck am I supposed to accept limbo as a gift? Shit.

I have been extremely restless today; it is definitively Sunday. All I really want to do is work on my book, but I am kind of tired of editing it, though it needs to be done.. perhaps I should just continue on writing it from where I've stopped.

I know where I'm going, and I keep saying that I don't really know how I'm going to get there.. but the trick is, this time, I'm writing the book instead of living it. I've already been here.

I'm avoiding it.






I should probably just take them. But it's hard to write when I can't get comfortable.