O_O

i made it..

part of me says 'oh shit, it is cold, oh wow what did i do, i don't have a job i don't really know anyone here, did i really just leave it all?' and that part has dreams about my dad and he asks how i can leave while he is sick

but that part of me is small and obviously not rooted in reality

the majority of myself says, 'holy fuck i am sitting in a coffee shop with brick walls and jazz music, i'm in a city it is clearly out there, i'm not just closing my eyes in panera bread and pretending i'm somewhere else.. i'm in a city i live in a house with stairs and creaky floors there is a man there is love there is a future THIS IS AN ADVENTURE isn't this how i imagined it a million years ago when i was just a little girl wearing her mother's high heeled shoes doesn't this look exactly like the pretty picture i would have painted if i could paint?'

time to cut my hair
this is it
this time
it is all happening
i've left it all behind
all of it
all of you
i don't care that i can't paint
i can write
and i can imagine things
manifest
this is it
moving forward