i'm going to preface this by saying i'm really fucking tired, and that's probably why i'm pissed. and i do question this anger and realise that it's entirely selfish and so on and so forth

but who cares, what's the point, everything's cool right?

thanks for the fucking invitation.

maybe once upon a time you were easy.
fuck that, you were never easy.
but tell you what--three letters through the alphabet, three letters through a whole fuck load of other people's bullshit and i realised

i don't care
that thing that has never settled completely never will
and i don't know the hell i'm looking for anyway

and i don't know why i'm so angry
like i said, likely because i'm so tired
and this is foolish, goddamn internet,
because it is none of my businesssss
never was
and i accepted this awhile ago
i don't want your hidden truths or untruths okay
this is fooooolish because i have nothing to do with this
and i know this
but i'm in a mood
and i'd like, for once, to write random bullshit angry entry that i probably shouldn't press enter on and i will look back on it later and maybe i will cringe or i'll laugh or who knows! maybe i'll delete it then
but in this moment
this is how i fucking feel
and my eyes will stay closed.

and that was a complete. fucking. lie.
and that's why i'm angry
because you found me so easily those times
and i can't find a goddamn thing
and i broke my fucking rule for this horseshit
oh look at the goddamn honesty, let's all appreciate it

and it may have been a lie, but its the sacred truth now

-----------------------------

in other news, sara is learning how to communicate. a slight misunderstanding occurred tonight and sara was mildly upset about it but didn't say a thing.. not for a good 45 minutes.. in past relationships, sara might have never said a thing, she might have just let it sit there because eventually these things go away, right? but they don't, that's the trick. they get flat and quiet, but they meddle, and they make you fucking sterile and take away ALL your words, not just the ones you hide
<3<3<3<3<3
so eventually, she said something. after 45 minutes, like we said. simple. and when she did, the fear didn't creep up her throat, it didn't raise her temperature. there were words exchanged and then peace, and sara didn't feel it in her tummy anymore, it went the fuck away because it was resolved, as it should be. because this is how it works. this is how it is awesome. and as michelelelelel always tells me, COMMUNICATION IS KEY

these are the things i'm learning.

i apologise for my random outburst.
but only to you.

and you, Kevin, darling, in particular, but i don't think you come here, which is good cause you don't need to see this mess

but oh, you, or you or the OTHER YOU who might be looking, fuck you especially, yes, still, anyway you people can eat a bag of dicks

and i resume my rule of not speaking vaguely or directly to ANYONE for that bloody matter unless specifically fucking addressed
in fact, i will go back to assuming that no one reads this because i feel we're all better off

Dear Sleep,

Please take me now. Yes, proper, just like that.

Love, Sara

sleep
but first!
stop reading and deleting
press return!