WHAT DID I TELL YOU, HM? WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING TO YOU EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP, DREAMHEAD?

"no more crazy dreams, thx"

perhaps i should stop saying that because i don't like it WHEN MY HEAD FEELS LIKE AN ACHY CLOUD when i wake up because i'm so far into dreamland

can we discuss what happened in the middle of the night? hm? did i wake up because i was talking to dream people out loud? no, no, that's silly. was i laughing, is that what happened? so funny i couldn't help but LOL IRL?@?@? NO

i woke myself up CRYING

i've tried to remember.. the last time i can remember doing that was THREE YEARS AGO

::clams dowen::

this is unusual for me because i don't normally have this many 'bad' dreams, and yet i just had psycho beach party 7&8 dream the other day.

kevin was breaking up with me.. oh god, how did it start.. so funny. i got a call from mark T who said he was from wisconsin, but we all know he lives in florida.. somehow or another, he'd gotten the list of the casting directors for jon favereau's new movie. he suggested i call "dan". kevin was like oh yeah do it fine, because it was actually him. and somehow that meant he'd been sleeping with other people.

ridiculous, right? i don't know why i thought it was real. the explanation to my mother of how mark T knows chris gorges.. and chris gorges knows... jon favereau? it went on for awhile.

anyhow. kevin was like, yeah whatever, i'm bored, i'm lonely (probably from 'rescue me' episode we watched last night) i'm not doing this anymore or something.

and i was pretty calm about it. i was like okay that's fine i can go back to florida then or i can go start super extra new life in some random city like i've always wanted. that's fine, i don't need you.

then it started to creep up on me and i went to ask him questions. did you sleep with someone already? yes, he slept with 'nicole' two months after we started dating, 'remember when we went to the movies together?' he said, and then i lost it.
'HOW THE EFF CAN YOU BE LONELY I'M HERE ALL THE TIME, PLS NO, ETC'

and this is where i start to get really upset, and the dream starts to dissolve a bit and i'm looking at a webpage with all different kinds of ketchup. regular ketchup, mustard ketchup. blue ketchup.

and then i wake up crying.

now, ketchup, if you don't know, is often used as a metaphor for something you like to do, despite the consequences. like, michele likes to eat ketchup, even though she's kinda allergic to it and it kinda makes her throat swell up a bit, because it tastes good.

as in: michele would eat ketchup every weekend if she had any more grandpas to kill.

now i will explain to you killing grandpas:
when an act occurs that is so good that you must call in sick to work, and in order to do so, you must 'kill a grandpa'. as in: "sorry, i can't come to work, my grandpa died."

which is precisely why you never reveal anything personal to people you work with, so they don't start counting grandpas.

most often, killing grandpas is really only necessary in the case of wild sexual escapades. sometimes to refer only to the escapade itself.

see:
1. 'omg i had sex with the high school senior i had a crush on and his girlfriend all night long.. i had to kill a grandpa the next morning.'

or

2. 'where were you last night?'
'you will not believe the time i had.'
'you didn't go grandpa killing, did you?'

3. 'try not to kill any grandpas on the way to the parking lot!!!!'

okay, that's enough.

anyway, the point is, the ketchup coupled with the revealing to myself that i would actually NOT be okay were we to split up means, simply: my brain does not like all the daydreaming i've been doing about wild road trips or running off to egypt with ride or die bitches. nothing to say wild road trips can't happen but i go too far and then it all becomes ketchupy. dig?

so then i dreamed about a party at elise's/my grandmothers where she had a shower wall full of TINY TUBS AND BOTTLES OF SHAMPOO and it was the best ever, but we were still broken up even though i'd woken up to reveal it to not be real.

then i went ice skating with bryan and tried to play hockey until i realised my back is still a mess and i needed pads

then i dreamed another episode of lost. locke says LIGHT CHANGES
as in, the side to be on. case, point, a snake comes up out of nowhere, turns into the smoke monster and shows them where to hide... but there is suspicion now about locke, who is secretly feeding them blood and hunters agent.

i have no answers for you. liquid time & light changes. perhaps it's a mind puzzle i'll be able to put together at the end.
perhaps it's all just a bunch of dream nonsense. idk

this concludes my daily transmission of shit you don't want to read about