i've been reduced to nonsense. not that this has been anything different.

i am fed up with you, sidewayspiano, but everytime i try to come up with something else, it fails miserably.

data entry job is almost over. next week. hopefully i have secured an above store level position with t@rg3t. should find out monday or tuesday. would start the 23rd. that would give me seven to ten days to chill out, clean, write and such. all my interviews are done, so all i'd have to do is pass the background check and drug screen(!) both of which will be no problem. then i can start my new career with t@rg3t. start as a collections person (hahaha) and they are very much all about upward movement, so after six months just start moving around...

sigh. kevin and i have been talking about the drudgery involved with being adults. and it's all just a bunch of hooey. where are my millions, my secret inheritance, my brilliant invention that will allow me to live like a dolphin the rest of my days? you are long coming.

i suppose i should not fret, however, since my mindpowerz came to me eventually, as i got older, and flow in, they still do. but i always want more, i'm always impatient... i must remind myself that i am not that old, always. and there's still lots of time. and as i'm writing about it, my conversation with jon turns the same direction. as it always is with that one. because he, like some of the others, are part of the eternal group i carry with me. i'm not going to start getting into metaphysical existential nonsense, but like dorothy says, 'and i remember you were there. and you were there...'

so i just need remind myself, as i once declared and then one day denied.. that it is.. all about the experience. that's what i'm here for. and that's what i'll some day use to tell everyone about.

...

all that being said, last night i had a dream i had to set my mom's boyfriend on fire and i thought he would die but he didn't. instead he opened a store in the dream mall to sell stuffed animals.

then i had a dream where two manatees came from the water to let me pet them. then two pretty skunks were playing on the ground while two marsupial badgers (one in the other's pouch) leapt from the top of a tree i couldn't quite describe, hundreds of feet to the ground, so the mama marsupial badger could feed the baby skunk.

i was thinking about ghost memories before i went to sleep. ideas of memories that could be things i've blocked out or things i started to wonder about because they are all too common with girls of the same generation. i can't remember when these ideas of ghost memories started to pop up, i wish i could, because then i could probably pin point whether or not i was just making it all up. maybe i'll talk about that sometime but right now i just don't feel i'm aware enough of it to throw it out on the public.

...

today is a fine day.