oh mang.

my shit's all retarded and i talk like a fag.

by this, i mean: every single one of my instruments is all screwy.

i'm sure the bridge is out on my violin but i haven't touched that in forever.
my electric guitar still needs a nut or i need to file the unfiled one that i have but its NOT LIKE IT MATTERS since i don't have an amp anyway.

and in the process of restringing my poor battered old acoustic, the little pin thing that holds the strings in wouldn't stay put on the high e.. the action is way low and that's fine and all but i mean it is like SUPER LOW, probably because the bridge is totally fucked. i'm sure it has been for a long time, but i'm extremely bothered by it right now since there's nothing i can do about it at the moment. at least it's still playable.

on the bright side, my tuning skills have improved immensely, and as anyone who's ever played with me (quantity 2) will know, tuning is not my strong point.

but ah, alas, tuning a guitar does not make you an artist, as i've always said.

last night i got into a refreshing argument with a bunch of twelve year olds in a 3d chatroom where i was running around in a bo peep dress and a gas mask trying to start revolution and they decide to 'barf' on me. i told them all i was dressed like bo peep because they were all sheep and had a good laugh to myself. i expect to be doing the same thing tonight since i've just started drinking coffee.. i need to reset the schedule, damn it all

and i need to write some letters.

last night i got into a refreshing argument with kevin wherein he said something that upset me, i pouted on the couch looking out the window at birds like a cat would, then we started talking in raised voices and urgent tones and i think we scared joe. he said his and i said mine and we went back and forth until it was resolved. i flipped the switch--literally, i do these things in my head. had to find it under a big mess. it was a grey box with a big red button. i pushed it, nothing happened. i plugged it in, it went zap zap zap, i pushed it and it was all better.

'what fun!' i said. he looked at me like i was crazy. i explained to him that the extent to which we just 'fought' (to which he said it is not declared a fight unless one of us walks out of the room) was the maximum that i'd reached in any previous relationship, and that was never until the end, when the relationship was wearing itself out. which is, as they say, unhealthy.

now i am learning how to express myself. hooray!
and i find it funny that, as a woman, i am always on the opposite of the stereotypical side of the 'why aren't we having sex more often' argument. like, always. even with this aries, wtf? but i guess its okay cause he's supposed to be more impulsive and i'm supposed to be more practical but it's the other way around.

and it is okay. cause when i get it, i'm gotten. i just like to get it get it get it.

after the argument i said, i'm sorry, i'm crabby, i want a cigarette.
he said, well why don't you smoke one.
i said, i'm out and i don't have money till friday.
he said, well why don't i buy them for you.
i said no and proceeded to be stubborn
he told me i was silly and that he loves me the way i am

together we are putting back the pieces
the ones i can't fix on my own
like aligning teeth in the zipper
snap snap snap
i'm speaking about these things
but also directly something that happened the other night
i will spare you the kinky details
but i'll just say that i cried when it happened
because the climax was intense
but also because i looked him directly in the face
and didn't have to pretend to be someone else

i need to write some letters
and get my guitar out of that whack ass tuba riff tuning that it's in