It is a sad day in diaryland. Mourn, you bastards.

Here we are, beset by spam diaries on all sides, a problem that doesn't seem to be going away at all, asterisks or no..

and now all my favorite people are leaving, locked and gone. Nick's been locked awhile. Daniel's gone. Sarah B is locked.

I mean, all those people are an email away, but THIS IS SAD, YO. Bad enough I've been dreaming about diaryland and the life it once seemed to have.

SAD. FFFFUUUU--

today is just that funny kind of day though. A day where you find diaries locked at the same time. A day where you wake up and say "BLAH" and they all say "BLAH" back at you.

I was pissed last night, so pissed I could spit. Let's talk blood for a minute, and my sudden multi prong periods. I've been a pretty regular lady up until this past month. I had one in the beginning of January, then another not two weeks later, and now another.. this one is not as early as the last, but still early. AND IT IS BULLSHIT because I woke up at 12:30 last night with a familiar pain, a pain and certain discomfort I thought I had left behind. After awhile I was in the tub, filling and refilling with hot water, finding the most comfortable stationary position, realizing I must be falling asleep at times but still surprised to find out that Kevin wasn't moving around to go to the bathroom but to take a shower. 6am. FFFFFFUUUUU (okay I'll stop now)

Got up before noon, had my endo appointment; got stuck twice, I think I'm getting better at getting stuck, had the lady I had the first time, told me to drink more water and said she gets very upset when she misses the vein, she doesn't like having to stick patients twice. This made me like her even more. Not because she doesn't take joy out of sticking me twice, but because it seems like such a simple little thing to get upset over and that is how I feel lately, like I am always getting upset over simple little things.

I would like to drink some water but am waiting for the water to filter; all the black little pebbles floating in the reservoir, looks like it's time for a new filter. I would like to habitually look at my phone, but I don't know where it is. Today my phone hides from me at all times; no, really, I think it is playing some kind of joke.

I wanted to watch Shine earlier. Instead I took a nice nap on the couch, the kind where the afternoon sun sparkles at you through trees when you open your eyes a wee bit to listen to your girl roommates laughing and chatting now that girl2 is home from school. Girl1 is going to Peru. She came into some money (I love to say that, it sounds so mysterious and divine "came into some money" and the way by which she did is both mysterious and divine so I will leave it at that) and she will have enough to leave us rent through the lease and go to Peru, sooner, she hopes, than she originally thought.

"Like, tomorrow?" I said.
"No, more like next week."
"You should leave a note," I said. "Dear House. I've gone to Peru. See you in a month."

we laughed, but I was serious
it's what I would do
or would like to do
or would like to think I'd like to do

WHERE IS MY WATER AND WHERE ARE MY WORDS

no, my words are HERE. funny that I used to strive to write words instead of short sentences here and now, when I come to write, it comes out as several paragraphs without stopping

and I wonder why that annoys me
likely because I feel I have nothing to say and
am just rambling
but I don't suppose it would come out so easily
if that were the case
which leads me to wonder
why then, when I try to write fiction it is so difficult
or try to write anything at all
outside of musing about the events of the day

Anyway, it was a good nap until I was woken up by a particularly jarring Mars Volta song, and then I had a headache.