I feel so messy and disorganized. I am probably not messy and disorganized yet I am meticulously rearranging the items on my desk. Highlighters. Little scrap papers. I have so many little papers. I needed that highlighter, get it back out. Get everything off my desk, give me space.

I am working slowly today. I am still doing the work I was done with by 10AM yesterday.

I am still haunted and followed by robots--their voices--though they are not as strong as this morning. I still have to think about what I'm going to say when I pick up the phone, load all the words into my mouth so I can spit them out in the correct order when the line clicks in. My mouth feels like it's moving in unfamiliar formations.

I am okay, just weird. In a fog, maybe. Maybe I'm getting sick. Doctor tomorrow.

For now, hold on to what is solid and what is real. Those things calm me down. Man in NC with the calming voice. I talked to him this morning. He soothed my ragged soul.

Middle America. Big honking maps. Little things I have romanticized. Little things, little objects. Icons. Romantic icons for me to click on. Who holds the files?

"I don't trust this. Start over." I just said that. In reference to an Excel spreadsheet. I say a lot of things I find amusing when I talk out loud to myself. "There must be a lot of Italians in Sausalito." I am the funniest man alive.

A thermos of coffee. A bottle of beer. A lunch of an apple, cheese and yogurt. Flowers on the table. I had more ideas for this list when I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, but that was hours ago and a couple of miles away. Apparently I romanticize and idealize food items. Food items and smoking. And writing at wooden desks with nothing on them. Stamps. Postage stamps and the kind you press on to the pad of ink, delicately, evenly.

Not everything I've idealized or romanticized and turned into icons or objects is from another era. I am quite taken by the digital...

you would see that in my "poetry" if I ever let it out

I meant to write this on my "lunch break" (I've already eaten all the food I've brought but I will probably go to the Moderately Creepy Corner Store--corner stores, you can add them to the list) but I'm waiting to take that until Katherine returns from her business with Amazon and I couldn't wait that long to get these thoughts out.

Everything else I stare at and forget what I am doing two seconds after beginning it--this is part hyperbole but a great deal of truth, stare at me today, I will win your contest--but this, these thoughts, these words in notepad--can't have the internet window up ALL the time when I am supposed to be working--these words, they keep me still

when I want to wander
aimlessly
like a lost old man
sad

..speaking of Lost, I was supposed to go over to Adam & Emily's to watch it tonight.. I.. am not sure that is going to happen

BOOOOSH

(that's the noise at the end of Lost.. not a shout-out to the Mighty Boosh)