There's nobody here yet. It's quiet. Maggie is in her office, sneezing occasionally, but Katherine and her dog, Melissa.. they're not here. I'd almost like to keep it like this all day. Let me be quiet, let it be still, just me in the dark corner (I haven't turned on my light yet) and my headache (I am without coffee on all fronts).

Let me sit and stare and recharge and idly reorganize my email. Answer the phone when I must, but it's Friday, so the phone doesn't ring.

The weather should be better.

I dreamed about rollercoasters but I also dreamed I was dead. In a separate dream. I can't explain to you exactly what happened because I don't remember, but I was dead. I don't think I was trying to find my body.. no. I remember now, trying to find the note I guess I'd left for Kevin, he said I hadn't left one, I knew I had, something about life is beautiful, I drew stars, I'd hid it inside a stuffed bear. I pulled it out to give it to him, I glanced at a few of the words. I started to feel it all over again

twice now, last night and maybe a day or two ago, I am deep breathing in my dreams, calming myself down. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming the heart racing (fear of panic attacks manifesting themselves in the dream world) or if it's actually happening while I'm sleeping. I don't know how to tell. I wake up with cramps. Cramp in my leg. Cramp in my arm.

I've not been doing very well. This morning I listened to music for the first time in weeks. No more robot ears or muffled hearing. Music is in my bones. Without it, I get weird. Clearly. Now that I can