this morning I was propositioned by a flamboyantly dressed dark skinned man in a black SUV. Now, by "flamboyantly-dressed" I mean he was dressed head-to-toe (presumably. he might not have been wearing pants) in a green white and gold glitter outfit (hat and sunglasses included). He stopped his SUV in the middle of Hennepin Ave, and with much joy in his voice, without sounding too rehearsed (even when I made him repeat himself twice and he did, word for word):

How would you like to do some fucking this morning?

This fine, fine morning. This gentleman proceeded to DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK and catch back up with me at the White Castle parking lot, where he, smiling, showed me a tightly rolled blunt and said:

Maybe this will help you make up your mind.

because clearly, I had not yet settled on his offer.

8 AM is PRIME TIME for picking up chicks who are heading to work, dressed like middle-schoolers, while one lot over, a group of sheriffs are loitering at the donut shelf waiting for the money-drop at the gas station.

I probably should have been creeped out but damn, it was hilarious. 8 AM!? HHAHA. Pre-rolled blunt. AAAHAHA. "do some fucking." oh god. I am dying again.

I mean, I'm probably gonna take a different route to the bus stop tomorrow, but shit. That's funny. What a spectacular start to the day.

Also, yesterday afternoon on my way home through the park, some young kid on a bike, asked me, as he was riding past

Are you a half-vampire?

...half? what? What is this@!? What is going on?! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY THE QUERIES