I don't know if this is the worst time--because how do you quantify a thing like that, and I don't get keep records--no, I don't think it's the worst--but it isn't good.

It's angry, and it's motionless. It doesn't want me to die in the usual way, because it knows what I know. And with all my different ways of knowing a thing, I know I don't want that. (still, it was very hard to type without a qualifier.) The point is, it goes around my back and wants to tell me everything is pointless, and the void is better.

But now, there is food in my hand for the first time today and I'm about to watch The Wire, so this is proof that it isn't the worst as I am capable of being distracted, so that's what I aim to do. Distract myself out of this instead of shouting at other people and shouting at myself. It's difficult to communicate when everything in my head is shouting at everything else.