Dreams are wild. This is a good thing.

Two nights ago, I dreamed I was trying to have sex with one of the sexiest men on the Internet. He is well "out of my league" but I had the higher status, and was trying to convince him of his beauty, because somehow he had stopped seeing it.

Last night, like most nights this week, I had trouble staying asleep for more than one or two hours at a time. First, I was having a baby. I could feel it flipping around and getting ready to exit, and eventually a drop to say, oh this will be soon. Cadence was around but I didn't want to suddenly rely on her--we hadn't made any plans for hospital or home birth, hadnt been to any doctors. She was going to run to the store to get nail polish for a worst case scenario, as though a birth emergency was as simple to stitch as painting over a run in a pair of stockings.

Later, or before (the logic runs together), there was a party. I collected clothes from the carport of my old neighbors Dawn & John, who were dead or gone. Racks of fancy dresses and sheer night clothes. My second marriage was to a man older than me, dark haired and wealthy, from a Eastern European family. I barely knew him but there was a feast at every table of meats I'd never eaten. I was very curious to eat a frog. We took a walk toward some trees and I grabbed his hand for the first time. We learned how to fold our fingers together. I'd only met him recently and had made this commitment for some reason, but was basking in the glow of getting to understand him as a person and having a long time to do so.

About a month ago, a humming started upstairs. It sounds like a motor running, and started when the chill set in. I assume it's some kind of space heater. At first, I was incredibly unnerved. I couldn't sleep unless I was exhausted. The first night I almost fell getting out of bed, the frequency affected me so. Now I find it comforting, like an extra blanket for my ears.