It's like I've started this year in a wonderland of meat dreams and funhouse mirrors.

At this point I've become somewhat comfortable with taking my piecemeal symptoms to doctors who can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong with me.

So it's rather jarring to be told, "yes, we've got this one," and scheduled for immediate surgery.

Just... fuck, yknow?

I mean, I guess if I can't reverse the current hearing loss, at least I can prevent more.

But it's hard to reconcile having a fucking operation when I'm not bleeding, dying, or in actual pain. Like it's also difficult to accept a week and a half of strict bed rest when I've barely started a new job, though they are all too supportive.

As much as I can't. fucking. bear. to think about the unwitnessed realities of inner ear surgery (because I will be hopefully not-dying under anasthesia) I suppose this is preferable to another week on prednisone, during which there would be a strong chance I'd actually hurt myself. So, cool.

Goddammit. Hospitals are where people go to die, and I have to stay overnight, and I don't like to be without Kevin, and dear sweet generous lord, save me from my own life kthx

No? Okay. Nerve pills it is