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If I'm going to cry & cry I might as well do this

24 July 2019
3:06 am

I'm always a bit dramatic, you know

But I have the feelings, all the feelings

I cry, I cry

Before work, after work, when I eat

I hide when I eat and cry when I do

I am doing the easiest job of all time but am stressed because I had to take on more hours before I was ready, and I feel like I can't keep doing it if these neighborhood people are going to drain me with their personalities

And that's all so dumb, what does that m a k e m e

And like, I'm cool - my hair is long & pretty and sometimes I wear purple lipstick, and I started writing a couple stories

But I catch myself wanting to make a playlist of every song that has ever wrecked me. I have so many feelings and so little idea what to do with them, everyone is far flung, and those who aren't, aren't here.

I can smell the mango raspberry cider I tried earlier. A couple sips made me sleepy - I've had drinks on few occasions in the last year - either I sleep or am sour. The drink was sweet, too sweet. I left it where it was when I went to bed. Now I am awake, I smell it, and it stinks.

The last year has been really fucking weird, man. I thought I was at least hanging out above it, but I wasn't. I wasn't. Or, at least I'm not now.

Everything strips away. Who will survive? What will they take with them?

This feels good though. I need this. Let me have it.