fuck fuck fuck

why did I do that, that was so dumb

I'm an idiot, I went too far

I forget that my writing on lj was not nearly as coded and focused pretty heavily on 2004

I always remember it as 2005 being the worst but at least there were releases

looking at 2004 is just pain and shame and sorrow all leading up to that

and recorded social interactions with friends I'm no longer close to, or talk to at all

and proof I'm still a pile of the same fucking questions 15 years later

no wonder no wonder no wonder

oh my godddd I want to stab my eye and I havent moved all day

that was so fucking dumb, why did I do that