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ms. moody

21 January 2020
5:22 pm

There are few things that set my head on fire the way job-searching does. I opened some tabs one night last week, when I stayed awake until about 10 am, which is apparently the appropriate headspace for that. Returning to it today, however, has not gone as well. Everything is out of my range of skills, experience or distance. Or I research the companies and employees have complaints that sound like they would not mix well with me. I've been considering signing up to do the census since it is an incredible amount of money, but since I don't know about this temporary relocation thing... I mean, I don't know. It feels unlikely, but I'm also saving money for it. Once I get down there and can have a few conversations with her, I can see where she's really at and what she wants me to do. I know she's not going to flat out ask me to stay for awhile. But it will be very difficult for me to walk away if she's not being properly cared for, or if she's simply very depressed. But would doing that - going back to the swamp for a month or three or however - just be an excuse to not have to solve this employment problem? One wonders.

As it stands, I am not without work, but I can't tolerate it anymore. What was once charming and fun is now annoying and occasionally worse. I don't remember what I've said here, and I don't feel like writing about it right now, so why am I? ha ha ha.

I'm slowly clicking on everyone who shows up in the 'recently updated' box, and I'm going to add everyone who is left here and we can all be great pals and have a convention, because I have become a social anomaly and I don't know what to do about that either.

I'm not doing well in the war on winter today. We had snow all weekend, low temperatures and wind. I try to remind myself that sunset has returned to post 5pm. But it's 10 degrees and I wish it wasn't. I want to go sit outside and it's too cold to even want to sit in the study. I can also tell that I have switched into pre-period mode because, during birthday celebration times, I got cranky out of nowhere - still am - and now I have been sad about nothing for awhile - except the job stuff.

I should round this off by trying to talk about things I'm happy about or grateful for or something, but I just don't want to, blehhhh