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pandemia tuesday

07 April 2020
9:12 am

Well, I covered up that long, thoughtful entry with that morose short one, so here's a plain one to cover up that moodiness. Because communicating is much better than moping, when you can get it. I still didn't get it, but a five-hour conversation about general sex stuff isn't too bad, especially when it includes my deepest darkest. It's a very weird thing to talk about, and as usual, nothing I talk about with this man ever goes badly. Action isn't always taken (between either of us) but we can talk, and that is not something to shake a utensil at.

I've been off work for a month now. I've started making notes on my calendar to keep track of things, because time has definitely gone wishy-washy. One month since work. Today is the 11th day since Minnesota enacted quarantine. It's now been a week since I started waking up early. This... this part makes no sense, right. There is no reason for me to be awake at any particular hour. I am known to have a wildly shifting schedule. When I was working, I was getting up anywhere between 11-2 because I worked late. Those could be considered normal hours for me. And now, for a week, through absolutely NO effort of my own, I have woken up no later than 9. What the fuck? This is unprecedented. Like, truly. I keep trying to psych it out by saying that, and it hasn't stopped yet. Then I think, perhaps my light annoyance with it is keeping it going. So, I stay annoyed. Cancelling out both efforts. "Great job!" I am told. But why? There's no point to this, I don't want encouragement for something I'm not doing, and really I just want someone to be baffled along with me. But no one else gets it, they've all had to get up early for years and years. Is there a word for baffled and amused? It's just strange. Here we are, everyone's at home (well, not everyone, but you know), people have had to make adjustments to their lives and, in some cases, are acquainting themselves with a way of life I've managed, and.. here I am, like, well, I guess I'll finally just wake up in the morning with no problem. Or effort. Or desire. WHAT. WHY. I've been exhausted by like 8 or 9, but Sunday night I was up til midnight, last night I managed to be up til 3... and I STILL WOKE UP AT 8 AM. WHY. I'm going to have to nap today, probably. I'm going to get kicked out of the club.

I'm gonna have to find something to do today. Well, pick something and do it, I don't need to find anything, it's all splayed out in front of me. I started playing d&d through video chat with some people I know from the internet. That was slightly nerve-wracking because d&d is always nervous-making, and these people... I started talking to them in an fb group six years ago, but none of them are members I have strong bonds with, some I've only kind of interacted with, and a couple I've never talked to at all. I have met one of them, though. Still, we're talking eight other people who are a step above strangers. NERVES. But it turned out to not be too bad, and we're playing again tomorrow. There is some benefit, I suppose, to all this. Captive audiences, haha.

It was bright the last few days, but grey and rainy today. I've got some flower seeds I'd like to put in the.. I forget what it's called. We have an indoor grow.. thingy. The one with the pods. We've also been talking about building a greenhouse, but we'll see about that. I'm mad at the neighborhood today because yesterday I discovered someone finally stole my hula hoops. I shouldn't have kept them outside for years, but that doesn't make it my fault, I've been told. Those jerkwads shouldn't have come on my property and taken my stuff. But damn if it doesn't make me reconsider my insistence on not having a privacy fence.

So, like... now what? I think I may need to change my font here. It's okay on my phone, but on the computer, I'm starting to have trouble reading it. Fuck an old eyeball.