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got more guns than anybody

26 February 2022
10:54 pm

I'm not sure why, out of all the atrocities and disasters, war seems to be the one I am most chill about. Maybe I'm numb after the last x years, but I don't think that's it. It's a different sort of chill or detachment or defense. We tossed around some theories. War fiction is prevalent. I was 18 in 2001, and shortly after that I was going through my own hardening, my own "see how tough I am, I am made of steel, I am like the boys." Something about the patriarchy. I claim a quote and say that I have always been at war, and I mean with myself. Trauma/crisis response. Curfews and watching the National Guard drive past my house every night.

I have deep, deep empathy. I know the time zone differential. I have some worry. I won't lie and say I haven't casually considered nearby military targets.

Girl Scout motto: Be Prepared.

But what I mean is that, with this (so far, anyway) I skim some updates from news from this country and others, and then I go about my business. Check back later. I scroll past photos. I haven't looked at a single video. There's no reason for me to do that. If I'm following someone who posts good info, I'll look at it, but anyone known for reactionary posts or pot stirring can get off my eyeballs.

It's easy. I haven't been looking at public spaces much anyway.

But it feels calm. Not manic, fake calm. But the real kind. Concerned, but calm.

I did make a crack about preparation. "So what is it we're supposed to do? Stock up on butter?" And I did suggest we fill the truck with gas because we never do, and that thing is large. That doesn't seem unreasonable.

But the most important thing, the strongest indicator, is that I haven't come up with a single one of my crackpot conspiracy theories that essentially boils down to this not being real life.

I guess there's still time. But for now, I'm not shopping for bad feelings. There are plenty to go around.

Also have you heard of this new thing called puppies? Hedgehogs yawning? Turtles eating strawberries? Parrot yelling WAT DOING?

Adorable.