what to say. i haven't cried like this since february. barely at all. once for trout, and once, just barely, on nick's shoulder at the wedding. but today. for some reason. face to face brought it all around and now i can't stop. my eyes are red my cheeks are red and i cried so hard i coughed up my stomach.

i'm better off caring. can't stop now.

i don't want to be dull anymore. i miss being able to hold conversations without wanting to destroy every word out of my mouth (so i tend to try not to talk). i don't want to always have one eye on myself looking for mistakes and imperfections and signs of something deeper. a little self criticism is healthy.. but hey hey, what's moderation?

i'm still losing weight. i'm sure of it. i'm not even trying any more, i'm just not eating the same way i used to. oddly enough, i'm not sure how i feel about it.

enough is enough is enough. can't stop now except i've got to go to work.