I told Sean last night that I wanted the deal off. Done. Kaput. Over. And he said okay, he never really liked it anyway. I told him I felt bad because of what I had done, but he said we were pretty much even because of whatever happened the other night. Am I being cryptic? I kissed another guy, and it turned into the hugest mess ever. I won't say who cause if you don't know then you don't need to. And the other night, he kissed someone else. Granted, he was kidding, but he still says we're even. Anyhow, I think I got whatever I was supposed to get out of it, and I don't need it. I don't like how I felt the other night. I don't like being that jealous. I didn't know I was capable of that. Heh. As for that other guy... well. I never see him. Nothing could have happened because I am too in love with Sean to give that up. Sooner or later, I would have agreed with the idea that when you're this committed to someone, and to being with them, and the whole kitten kaboodle, that you make sacrafices. But they aren't... sacrafices. Sacrafice is a word that makes me feel like you have to give something up. But that's not what I feel. It's more of a feeling that you want to give it up for the goodness sake of your relationship and your love and the future of all that. So you put whatever it is in a box, wrap it up, and hide it away in a locked closet, and all you can do is make sure it stays locked.

And let me just say that though I feel guilty, I do not regret what I did. Because every experience is a step on the path to... enlightenment. I think. Hehe. These things I do will only help me in my future experiences, you know? I do.