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seek and destroy

21 August 2002
7:22 am

01. nick carter and justin timberlake are releasing their albums within one week of each other! ohno!

02. i think the new justin timberlake song is actually the song i heard earlier and said "i like this song. but i know i'm going to find out it's nsync's new single later."

03. I DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT LIKE GIDEON YAGO. i'd like to take his glasses off his face, stomp on them, punch him in the eye, tie him up in a straight-jacket, and then transform him into a little green imp with a funny little hat and pointy ears and then put him on a cage and charge neighborhood children five dollars to "see the little ridiculous man". and of course i'd have a striped suit with smashing shoes and the voice of a true carnival player. figuratively speaking, of course.

04. while watching a video by TRUSTcompany, i thought: it's true. originality does not exist. (though it should be known [throughout the land] this was actually in response to a shirt a guy in the video was wearing. i didn't like it.)

05. i like that i used to complain about all the hiphop-rap-r&b-bootyshakin'-blingblingin' videos on mtv and now they're the only ones i care to listen to.

06. mark continually pimps his dancehouse music whenever he has the opportunity and this has enabled me to appreciate kylie minogue's new video for the cheap digital art fun it is. but this i have to say to you ms. kylie minogue: if you think your eye makeup is going to singlehandedly begin the new 80's fashion revolution, you are soley mistaken. i will destroy you first.

07. to all major clothing companies who are in the same mindset, you will be destroyed next.

08. oh god. thirty seconds into the video, and i don't know what band it is, but whoever they are, they can suck my ass. is this bb mak? god, i hope so. no one else should sound so awful. that is the most ridiculous hairstyle i have ever seen. it is bbmak! it says so on his shirt. oh wait. no. it says 'beth killers'. uh-huh.

09. there is a trend i am noticing with these bands with guitars and their singers without them. boys who are singing and have nothing better to do with their hands then to grip the microphone in such a ridiculously dramatic manner their knees are forced closer to the ground and the entire body is wrought with pain or love or grief for their lost hairspray to complete their ROCKSTAR POSE. and there is one man to blame. scott stapp. he will be destroyed.

10. it was bb mak. they will be destroyed.

11. it has always been known that old navy shall be destroyed.

12. ludicris will NEVER be destroyed, i don't care how many ridiculous songs he makes, every one will grow on me, and if nothing else, that kid with the blue eyes in his videos gets me every time. of course, i don't watch mtv very often (generally every time i actually turn it on specifically to mtv, i end up commenting on it) so little blue-eyed boy might not always be able to save his ass.

13. this elvis vs. jxl song will be played in hip GAP stores across the land. and i am a big fat wet cherry sucker for commercialism.

14. entirely unrelated to the rest of this, but in front of me i have a 32 oz bottle of orange juice (with improved taste!) i bought this morning from the gasstation. i plan to drink the whole thing before seana wakes up at ten.

15. my watch says it is 8:30. my dad's computer says 7:52. his alarm clock says 8:44. do you see why i have no concept of time?

16. the two previous statements show a sudden lack of interest in the elvis video. after 45 seconds, i'd already heard the whole song, but for some reason it was on repeat and continued to play for at least another two minutes. therefore, they will be destroyed. elvis will be found and not be destroyed but taken to times square and released back into society.

17. i want orbit gum.

18. all those involved with the movie blue crush will absolutely be destroyed (though i am sure someone else will get to this before i will). consequently, all those who choose to actually make an effort to see this movie and pay eight dollars to see it will be destroyed by way of rabid mice entering the theater through a labyrinthian network of minitunnels circuited around america's movie theaters.. waiting.. watching.. foaming at the mouth..

19. i didn't really mind no doubt's music before... gwen stefani just annoyed the shit out of me. now gwen stefani is the finest drag queen in the world. but. i don't know what they think they're doing with this music. i guess it hasn't really changed all that much.. and when you have a video like don't speak, basically bitching about the band not having a visual role in things and gwen being the 'star', and then you make a video like whatever the fuck this is, and the rest of the band is in it for twentyfive seconds. you are immediately destroyed.

20. and now, with perfect timing (twenty being a nice even number to stop at), my mtv viewing has just been validated. a song i've heard on the radio and have been desperately trying to find the name of just came on. i knew there was a reason.


destroyed: no doubt (will settle for only gwen stefani), the cast and crew of blue crush plus all the 13 year old girls making the trek to the theaters this summer, jxl, old navy, bbmak, scott stapp, kylie minogue's eye makeup and its followers, the concept of time, TRUSTcompany (not for the shirt but for the stupid bandname), nick carter, avril lavigne, michelle branch, and that girl with the piano, and most importantly, gideon fucking yago.
note: all those employing the ROCKSTAR POSE will suffer instant subatomic destruction.

spared: tropicana orange juice!, ludacris (as long as he's got his blue eyed boy on call in case of emergency), lady foot locker (cause i think one chick just checked out another chick in their commercial and i thought it was hilarious, then again, i only caught the last part), orbit gum, my rabid mice, and cody chestnutt.

times the word destroyed was used: 13

times the word ridiculous was used: 5

references to elvis: 1

name brands: 6

the last two lines of the last song i heard: i'll tell my friends nothing at all.. nothing at all.