so i lied.

nothing new to say.

except that in approximately three hours, we're leaving to go home.

funny that a few weeks ago, i would have more than jumped at the chance. and don't get me wrong. it's not like i'm not excited to be going home, to see angie, to see the charming hooligans and all the things that used to be daily and mundane to me, now brilliantly colored and interesting again. don't think that's not part of it.

and don't think that i would be overjoyed at staying here, either.

i dunno. i've been giving it a 'chance'. and while other things have become mangled and strange (while oddly enough, exactly the same) i've made a few new friends. gone out a few times.

break of curiosity. for once i'm not going to think about what i'm thinking and whether or not i want to say it or someone wants to read it or if it's right or wrong or green or blue.

orlando will never be my home. pinellas, as much as i would have denied it a few years ago, is my home. to say tarpon only is too inclusive, i have lived too far and too wide and experienced more than one city district. orlando will never overcome that. no. orlando will never overcome what i had there. i need to realise that one plus one does not equal one.

this may not even be the issue that i am having. but it is fun to type to say to think nonetheless. i feel like i'm breaking through to some new pattern of thought that hadn't yet occured to me, that is new&shiny, and while it may not be the answer to all my problems, perhaps i am sneaking around someone else's head and grabbing bits of their thoughts.

so. to tarpon i go. at least i get to drive the bean. byebye to the bean. but that's okay. mixtapecd is needed. nikkicola will just have to put up with my music. ha.

sean's to come over after his class so i can hang with him a bit before i leave, and if des comes online i will go and see her before i leave as well. new friends are fun.

friends in general are fun.

i never got around to talking about halloween horror nights. i had a good time. we only went in one haunted house, really, but it was supposedly the worst one.. i wouldn't know. it was five minutes long, and i probably saw about 15 seconds of it- i had my face buried in brett's back the whole time.

but before that, we all met up at sean's house. we meaning me, becca, brett, steph, jim, some people i didn't know who friends of chrissy and matt (this implies chrissy&matt were there.. and with good reason).

after everything happened, i figured i'd never see everyone all together again, let alone speak to each other. last time we went home, we all stood in a hallway together. all of us. the aforementioned, oscar (who met us at hhn), gina, jessi.. everyone. very little conversation, and i guess i can understand.

sean's was different though, and i can't really describe it. i suppose there was a small layer of tension.. but it wasn't uncomfortable. at least not for me. and that made me happy. because even if we can't get it all back, at least equilibrium can be attained. and when we were talking about chrissy's inability to ever set foot on a rollercoaster (despite every urge i've tried) and she said "ask matt, he knows! ask becca, she knows!" i almost burst into tears.

i'm such a loser. i know this.

at any rate, it was eversolovely to get to see them all again. i knew i missed what we all had, but i don't think you can really miss a person until you see them face to face and see how they've changed. even in a few short monthsweekswhatever.

damn you, fiona. damn you.

:D

so anyway. now that i talked myself into and out of a potentially dangerous funk, i'm in a good mood and shall ready myself for my upcoming pilgramage home. back to the holy land. hahahahhaha*cough* i need to be careful about that sort of thing. don't want to choke. haha.