Talking to some random person, I said, "AND I have to work at eight in the morning. The show doesn't start at midnight. THAT proves I'm nineteen."

And I thought:

I'm... nineteen.

For some reason I just felt it then. On the radio came some friday night techno song that I actually quite enjoy but it fills me with this emotion I can't identify. It blurs between sadness and just the feeling of being older and god what am I doing? and just this immense happiness that I am alive and experiencing these things.

I am a very conflicted individual.

The aforementioned song also cause me to think about Some Other Thing that has of recently become inflamed and sore. I took myself to the doctor and I'm still waiting on his prescription.

Also from the aformentioned conversation:

"You were in the navy and over seas at 19. I am a bum who decided she didn't want to be in college anymore and would still desperately like to be a musician but in the meantime is just a waitress."

I don't suppose I have much invested in the things I am doing these days.

ps. hahahha.

(I think it's always good to have a laugh at the end.)