ahem, addendum
sometimes sometimes sometimes
always, after writing, i am reading what i just said because i like to envelope myself in my own words.
usually, after reading, i click on the random link. that's why i keep it down there. i've said it before and i'll probably say it again. after reading, i click random, because it is fun. sometimes, on opportune days, it is like fortune telling. sometimes it pertains to what i just wrote about. the two common themes in this here moodswing used to be room cleaning and writing about not writing. i don't know what they are anymore. grapepicking and lovethings, perhaps.

anyhow. sometimes it is like fortune-telling cards. sometimes it is just nice to see what comes up for me to read, and i get stuck on a click cycle or maybe page thru a few days. sometimes i go back and take a week and read all this nonsense start to finish and remark about how much is missing.

the click that led me back here writing was not a fortunetelling click nor was it about room cleaning or not writing. the second click brought me to one of my most favourites, a short one about villainry and dastardly things in vinyl masks.

the first click reminded me of why i've kept this so long and why some days i don't go looking through random words, because those days were some accurately represented feelings (i was about to say the days were represented accurately and was going to stress the some but then had to correct myself because it was the feelings and not all the moments. i was never a liar but i was definitely a hider); they were accurately represented because i wanted them to be heard
but, and, whichever
though we are now all far removed and everything is lovely
those feelings, accurately represented, have not faded in those words and when i read them i re-experience those dull aching desperate feelings in between one set of circumstances and another.

only for a __ always fleeting, but like they say about all once great tragedies, never forgetting

jesus christ. i'm almost done with kerouac.. maybe i'll get another.. maybe i'll go to sleep.. what is this madness rambling now. there was a point, i had one, and now its become a race for more letters, except this paragraph

because it is easy to think well of oneself until caught, then must contradict a million times with false words and fickle active modesty that only hurts the cause, breaks the bank

makes it all
that
much
harder