Well. I am a fucking idiot. Lived down the street from this place for a year and a half and couldn't get my balls together until TODAY to come here.. and I almost bailed again. So worth it. Though I should've gotten a warm drink to start, it is colder in here than I originally thought and I am not sitting near the fireplace. That's right, fireplace. How have I never been here. This place is gorgeous, I can barely describe it. I should give them some Kaki King to play instead of.. whatever they're playing. I like it well enough, I've just had some caffeine now and am getting a little rowdy.

Let me tell you this.. I was unable to fully go back to sleep. I laid in bed just after six, listening to Kevin's alarms and this subtle ineffective depression I've been feeling TOOK THE EFF OVER AND TRIED TO KILL ME. Really y'all, I was laying there in total miserable self loathing, I may have had the fear except I'm not entirely sure what that is. I was rationalizing a whole lot of shit I would not normally consider.. BAD THOUGHTS, MAN. Getting horribly down on myself for my lack of accomplishments and my ever rising age and it's all for naught, so fuck it, right, etc. Serious darkness.

Tried to shake it, shake it a little (note to self: don't go around reading old entries when trying to get back to sleep. we know it is no help), but I couldn't fully shake it and like I said, almost turned around instead of entering this lovely safe haven

and as soon as I walked in.. found a seat.. took a good look around.. everything felt better.

Cause I'm a fucking self inflicted demon mongering crazy person and it's all in my head, but I spend too much time in my head mucking about making a big ol' mess of shit.

All I needed was a bit of adventure, close to home, that takes me to some other time and place than where I am. This place matches the upstairs bathroom in a way, a bathroom that Katie said reminded her of Paris.. and I've never been to France, but if I wanted to go to Paris, it would be because of places like this. I think. haha.

Anyway, I love it, I kind of want to live here, and if I decide to do Nanowrimo, I will come and write here as long as Kevin lets me borrow his laptop, or maybe I can bring my typewriter and annoy the ever loving hell out of everyone, or just write on paper and type it up at home like a good little laptop-smasher.. at least until deathwinter takes hold and I refuse to leave the house

[second note: HOWEVER reading old entries does remind me of my love for Machina / The Machines of God and that it is time for my yearly infatuation with this album before I turn to the autumnal At the Drive-Ins and Kaki Kings, Volta Do Mars and Songs Ohias]